It's OK to Ask for Help Sometimes

The Coaching Chronicles is an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, empower, and motivate you.

God resists the proud – James 4:6

Hello dear reader.

Sorry it’s been a few weeks since my last blog post. I took a little break from work/blogging, but I’m back now, ready to inspire and motivate you to the best of my ability.

This week’s topic illustrates the importance of asking other people for help. In other words, you really can’t do it all by yourself. Sounds simple, but it’s a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way. Let me tell you what I’ve learned so you don’t repeat my mistakes.

I’m really bad at asking people for help. I hardly ever delegate tasks. I try to do everything myself. I mean, I think I’m pretty intelligent, and the tasks I do to earn a living aren’t particularly difficult, so I should be able to do all of them, right? Well…um…wrong.

The reason it’s wrong is that there is only one Lisa Bosley, and there are only 24 hours in a day. And as much as I want to or feel I need to, I can’t spend all 24 hours doing work. I need to sleep for at least six to eight of those hours. I also need time to be a good wife, a good friend, a good Catholic, a good blogger, etc. Unfortunately, between all those activities, that doesn’t leave me a lot of time to take care of myself.

Thankfully, in the past few weeks, I realized how important it is to take the time I need in order to stay healthy (in terms of sleep, diet, prayer/meditation and exercise), and I strongly encourage you to do the same.

As you may know, Lent is happening right now, and it was actually the silent reflection associated with Lent that allowed me to realize how much I had put my own health on the back burner. I wish it had not taken a Catholic holiday to make me aware that I needed some help bringing my life back into balance, but it did.

For those of you who don’t know, Lent is a season of sorrowful reflection that lasts from Ash Wednesday to Easter (see this link for more information). Lent is a 40-day period of grieving for Jesus Christ that ends with the celebration of His resurrection on Easter Sunday. Lent is a time for penance and almsgiving. It’s also a time for you to reflect on the sins you have committed. Remember the seven deadly sins? (Or maybe you remember that scary movie Seven that starred Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman?) Ok, well, in case you forgot the seven sins are: Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Envy and Wrath.

Did you notice that I put Pride as the first of the list? Well, I’m not proud to tell you this, but I put it first because Pride is the sin I commit most often. I’ve committed the other sins, too, but it’s Pride that prevents me from asking people for help. I think I’m doing it to show people I can handle it on my own, but maybe subconsciously, I like to do everything myself because really— I don’t want to share the credit with anyone else. Pretty sick, huh? I don’t like the idea that I think that way, but something is preventing me from asking for help. Whatever it is, it doesn’t serve me, so I’m making a conscious effort to be done with Pride. Would you like to join me?

If you’d like some help deciding what you most need to work on, consider the following activity: Make a list of all the things you have to do this week. Identify the things that you really want to do versus the things you feel obligated to do. Identify the things you are good at (gainers) versus the things you aren’t very good at (drainers). Now, consider outsourcing the drainers to someone else. Try it. You might be surprised to learn what people are willing to help you with.

Key Takeaway
According to organizational guru David Allen, you have four choices when it comes to your actions. You can choose to do it, delegate it, defer it or drop it. If you’re constrained for time (and who isn’t these days), I highly recommend that you skip the “do it” option and select one of the latter of the three choices: delegate it, defer it or drop it. It is much better to speak up and get help than to become worn down until you are unable to cope any more.

The trick is to ask for help as soon as the project presents itself – in other words, don’t wait until the last minute to say “I need your help with this thing that’s due tomorrow.” The earlier you can bring in the right people to help you with your project, the better. The first step is admitting you need the help. The second step is trusting the people you ask to provide you with the help you need. Learn to help yourself by taking constant imperfect action, first for yourself, then together as a team.

Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.

If you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and suggest they subscribe to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.