On Love and Gratitude

The Coaching Chronicles is an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, empower, and motivate you.

“Do all things with love.” – Og Mandino

I wish Valentine’s Day was more like Thanksgiving. I mean, it’s all in the name: “Thanks” and “Giving.” I have read more than once that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness. So is focusing on what you give instead of what you get.

Unfortunately, like most holidays, Valentine’s Day has become associated more with rabid consumerism than with love. As if the answer to the question “What did you get for Valentine’s Day?” is somehow helpful in determining how much someone loves you.

Imagine if we celebrated Valentine’s Day like a Thanksgiving dinner, where we invited whomever we wanted, ate whatever we wanted, and everyone sat around the table and said all the things they appreciate about their loved ones. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I think I’ll try that next year.

My husband and I haven’t celebrated an actual Valentine’s Day since the early 1990s, a couple of years after we started dating (it’s the closest we come to actually protesting something here at the Bosley household). We’re happy to avoid the overpriced flowers, candy and other trappings of this “Hallmark” holiday in favor of a quiet evening at home.

The best gifts I have received from my husband over the years were never flowers, jewelry or fancy dinners. While I certainly appreciated those gifts, his best gifts are simply the words of love and appreciation he has said to me every day that we have known each other. I especially treasure the cards and letters he has written to me (I have shoeboxes full of them). These are heartfelt messages of love and thanks that I plan to carry with me for my entire life. And if a flood or fire someday destroys these letters, then I will carry the memory of them with me in my mind.

Today, in the spirit of “New Valentine’s Day,” I would like to pause and express my gratitude for the ridiculous abundance of love that I have in my life today. I have been blessed with a loving husband, two loving parents (who are still married – to each other!), a loving brother, a loving extended family, and an abundance of loving friends, teachers, colleagues and mentors. I cannot underestimate the positive impact that this loving “Tribe” has had on my life. I would like to personally thank you – every single person who reads this message today – thank you for being a part of my life, for inspiring me, listening to me, and for encouraging me.

Thanking people feels amazing! I highly recommend it. I know that I have been extraordinarily blessed with love, and my heart aches to think that there are people in the world who do not feel love. I believe that everyone is loved by someone. I love you, and God loves you, too. When I express gratitude, I feel loved.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward

Gratitude Doesn’t Always Come Naturally
There have been plenty of times I have been far from grateful. During the financial crisis, I heard a lot of people say “Be grateful you have a job,” and I wanted to punch them. I am grateful I have a job, but I didn’t like being told to be grateful. Gratitude has to come from within.

Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, has this to say about gratitude: “Research literature suggests that gratitude does not come naturally to most of us most of the time. When life is not too good, we think a lot about how it could be better. When life is going well, we tend not to think much about how it could be worse. But with practice, we can learn to reflect on how much better things are than they might be, which in turn makes the good things in life feel even better.”

How do you practice gratitude?
Schwartz recommends adopting the following routine:

1. Keep a notepad at your bedside.

2. Every morning, when you wake up, or every night, when you go to bed, use the notepad to list five things that happened the day before that you’re grateful for. These objects of gratitude occasionally will be big (a job promotion, a great first date), but most of the time, they will be small (sunlight streaming in through the bedroom window, a kind word from a friend, an informative article in a magazine).

3. You will probably feel a little silly and even self-conscious when you start doing this. But if you keep it up, you will find it gets easier and easier, more and more natural. You also may find yourself discovering many things to be grateful for, on even the most ordinary of days.

Key Takeaway
Tim Sanders, director of Yahoo’s in-house think tank and author of Love is the Killer App, writes, “Gratefulness is a muscle, not a feeling. You need to work it out daily. Every morning, give thanks to two people that helped you yesterday and one person that will assist you today. This will focus your mind on what you have, and you’ll soon realize you are not alone.”

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa

“Who, being loved, is poor?” – Oscar Wilde

Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com..

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