The Coaching Chronicles is an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, empower, and motivate you.
“Do all things with love.” – Og Mandino
I wish Valentine’s Day was more like Thanksgiving. I mean, it’s all in the name: “Thanks” and “Giving.” I have read more than once that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness. So is focusing on what you give instead of what you get.
Unfortunately, like most holidays, Valentine’s Day has become associated more with rabid consumerism than with love. As if the answer to the question “What did you get for Valentine’s Day?” is somehow helpful in determining how much someone loves you.
Imagine if we celebrated Valentine’s Day like a Thanksgiving dinner, where we invited whomever we wanted, ate whatever we wanted, and everyone sat around the table and said all the things they appreciate about their loved ones. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I think I’ll try that next year.
My husband and I haven’t celebrated an actual Valentine’s Day since the early 1990s, a couple of years after we started dating (it’s the closest we come to actually protesting something here at the Bosley household). We’re happy to avoid the overpriced flowers, candy and other trappings of this “Hallmark” holiday in favor of a quiet evening at home.
The best gifts I have received from my husband over the years were never flowers, jewelry or fancy dinners. While I certainly appreciated those gifts, his best gifts are simply the words of love and appreciation he has said to me every day that we have known each other. I especially treasure the cards and letters he has written to me (I have shoeboxes full of them). These are heartfelt messages of love and thanks that I plan to carry with me for my entire life. And if a flood or fire someday destroys these letters, then I will carry the memory of them with me in my mind.
Today, in the spirit of “New Valentine’s Day,” I would like to pause and express my gratitude for the ridiculous abundance of love that I have in my life today. I have been blessed with a loving husband, two loving parents (who are still married – to each other!), a loving brother, a loving extended family, and an abundance of loving friends, teachers, colleagues and mentors. I cannot underestimate the positive impact that this loving “Tribe” has had on my life. I would like to personally thank you – every single person who reads this message today – thank you for being a part of my life, for inspiring me, listening to me, and for encouraging me.
Thanking people feels amazing! I highly recommend it. I know that I have been extraordinarily blessed with love, and my heart aches to think that there are people in the world who do not feel love. I believe that everyone is loved by someone. I love you, and God loves you, too. When I express gratitude, I feel loved.
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward
Gratitude Doesn’t Always Come Naturally
There have been plenty of times I have been far from grateful. During the financial crisis, I heard a lot of people say “Be grateful you have a job,” and I wanted to punch them. I am grateful I have a job, but I didn’t like being told to be grateful. Gratitude has to come from within.
Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, has this to say about gratitude: “Research literature suggests that gratitude does not come naturally to most of us most of the time. When life is not too good, we think a lot about how it could be better. When life is going well, we tend not to think much about how it could be worse. But with practice, we can learn to reflect on how much better things are than they might be, which in turn makes the good things in life feel even better.”
How do you practice gratitude?
Schwartz recommends adopting the following routine:
1. Keep a notepad at your bedside.
2. Every morning, when you wake up, or every night, when you go to bed, use the notepad to list five things that happened the day before that you’re grateful for. These objects of gratitude occasionally will be big (a job promotion, a great first date), but most of the time, they will be small (sunlight streaming in through the bedroom window, a kind word from a friend, an informative article in a magazine).
3. You will probably feel a little silly and even self-conscious when you start doing this. But if you keep it up, you will find it gets easier and easier, more and more natural. You also may find yourself discovering many things to be grateful for, on even the most ordinary of days.
Key Takeaway
Tim Sanders, director of Yahoo’s in-house think tank and author of Love is the Killer App, writes, “Gratefulness is a muscle, not a feeling. You need to work it out daily. Every morning, give thanks to two people that helped you yesterday and one person that will assist you today. This will focus your mind on what you have, and you’ll soon realize you are not alone.”
“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa
“Who, being loved, is poor?” – Oscar Wilde
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com..
If you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and suggest they subscribe to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
Showing posts with label coaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coaching. Show all posts
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
You Can't Change Other People
The Coaching Chronicles is an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, empower, and motivate you.
“The secret of happiness is knowing that there are some things you can control and some things you cannot.”
– Epictetus
Last week I challenged you to dump the words “try” and “should” from your vocabulary. I urged you to be clear with your commitments, and to really think about what you want to do and what you intend to do. This week, I want to encourage you to commit only to things you can actually change.
We generate so much unhappiness by focusing on things we cannot change. For example, take other people’s behavior. How many times have you caught yourself wishing the people around you would change? Wishing they would stop doing something, or start doing something? Wishing they were somehow different?
Have you ever stopped and wondered, “What is all this wishing getting me, other than a bunch of unhappiness?” I asked myself that question after reading Dr. Gay Hendricks’ book, Conscious Living. Below are a few excerpts from Conscious Living that I found especially powerful (and challenging). Take a look and let me know if Hendricks’ message resonates with you, too.
Hendricks begins by asking his readers to try an experiment. He says, “Think about an important issue prominent in your life right now. Ask yourself, "Is this within my power to change?" If you answer yes, then ask another question: "Do I want to put energy into changing it?" If you can change it and you want to put energy into it, then do it. If the answer is ‘no’ to one or the other of those questions, your task is to let it alone. There is no other choice.”
Hendricks goes on to say, “Pick your projects with utmost care. Human beings are finite and only have enough energy for a few projects at a time. You may not be able to lose fifty pounds, finish your Ph.D., take care of your aging parent, and write a symphony all in the same year.”
Hendricks once had a client who was actually trying to do all of those things, plus help her son get off of drugs. Unfortunately, it was her desire to change her son’s behavior that overloaded her circuits and caused everything to fall apart in her life.
In his career as a counselor and coach, Dr. Hendricks has worked with hundreds of people who were in a close relationship with an addict. Over time, he observed that the more his clients focused on the other person’s addiction, the worse the situation seemed to get.
Addiction is only one example. Hendricks asserts that this also applies to most other forms of behavior and situations, whether you are wanting to change your spouse, your parents, your children, your friends, your boss, or your colleagues.
You Can’t Change Other People’s Behavior
Hendricks writes, “We don’t really have any control over other people. It’s not up to me whether you drink or not. You can’t control whether I take a drug… Only I have control over whether I do it or not. The moment we acknowledge we are powerless over other people, we are free to do two things. We can let go completely, freeing others to learn their own lessons. Or we can consciously choose to mount an influence campaign.
If we choose to influence, then we need to approach it like a business arrangement. We need to have a goal and a plan along with the commitment to carry it through to completion. Most people don’t do it that way, though. They stay in the unconscious zone, wishing the other person would change, but not really making a clear plan to accomplish it. The wheels spin, and nothing ever changes.”
Key Takeaway
You are responsible for your own happiness. Right now, today, you are facing a number of choices and actions. Pick the ones that are within your control. Remember Hendricks’ words: “If you can change it and you want to put energy into it, then do it. If the answer is ‘no’ to one or the other of those questions, your task is to let it alone. There is no other choice.” Learn to let go.
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at mailto:atcoachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
If you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and suggest they subscribe to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
“The secret of happiness is knowing that there are some things you can control and some things you cannot.”
– Epictetus
Last week I challenged you to dump the words “try” and “should” from your vocabulary. I urged you to be clear with your commitments, and to really think about what you want to do and what you intend to do. This week, I want to encourage you to commit only to things you can actually change.
We generate so much unhappiness by focusing on things we cannot change. For example, take other people’s behavior. How many times have you caught yourself wishing the people around you would change? Wishing they would stop doing something, or start doing something? Wishing they were somehow different?
Have you ever stopped and wondered, “What is all this wishing getting me, other than a bunch of unhappiness?” I asked myself that question after reading Dr. Gay Hendricks’ book, Conscious Living. Below are a few excerpts from Conscious Living that I found especially powerful (and challenging). Take a look and let me know if Hendricks’ message resonates with you, too.
Hendricks begins by asking his readers to try an experiment. He says, “Think about an important issue prominent in your life right now. Ask yourself, "Is this within my power to change?" If you answer yes, then ask another question: "Do I want to put energy into changing it?" If you can change it and you want to put energy into it, then do it. If the answer is ‘no’ to one or the other of those questions, your task is to let it alone. There is no other choice.”
Hendricks goes on to say, “Pick your projects with utmost care. Human beings are finite and only have enough energy for a few projects at a time. You may not be able to lose fifty pounds, finish your Ph.D., take care of your aging parent, and write a symphony all in the same year.”
Hendricks once had a client who was actually trying to do all of those things, plus help her son get off of drugs. Unfortunately, it was her desire to change her son’s behavior that overloaded her circuits and caused everything to fall apart in her life.
In his career as a counselor and coach, Dr. Hendricks has worked with hundreds of people who were in a close relationship with an addict. Over time, he observed that the more his clients focused on the other person’s addiction, the worse the situation seemed to get.
Addiction is only one example. Hendricks asserts that this also applies to most other forms of behavior and situations, whether you are wanting to change your spouse, your parents, your children, your friends, your boss, or your colleagues.
You Can’t Change Other People’s Behavior
Hendricks writes, “We don’t really have any control over other people. It’s not up to me whether you drink or not. You can’t control whether I take a drug… Only I have control over whether I do it or not. The moment we acknowledge we are powerless over other people, we are free to do two things. We can let go completely, freeing others to learn their own lessons. Or we can consciously choose to mount an influence campaign.
If we choose to influence, then we need to approach it like a business arrangement. We need to have a goal and a plan along with the commitment to carry it through to completion. Most people don’t do it that way, though. They stay in the unconscious zone, wishing the other person would change, but not really making a clear plan to accomplish it. The wheels spin, and nothing ever changes.”
Key Takeaway
You are responsible for your own happiness. Right now, today, you are facing a number of choices and actions. Pick the ones that are within your control. Remember Hendricks’ words: “If you can change it and you want to put energy into it, then do it. If the answer is ‘no’ to one or the other of those questions, your task is to let it alone. There is no other choice.” Learn to let go.
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at mailto:atcoachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
If you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and suggest they subscribe to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Dump “Try” and “Should” From Your Vocabulary
The Coaching Chronicles is an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, inspire, and motivate you.
Words have power. Imagine you’ve received an email titled: “Problem.” How do you react? “Oh no,” you might think. “What’s wrong?” The word alone can produce a negative, sinking feeling. Now imagine you receive an email with the word “Opportunity” in the subject line. “Oooh,” you might think. “What’s this? This could be good.” You’re curious. You’re open. There’s a reason Deepak Chopra says, “I do not experience challenges; I look for opportunities.”
Emotion follows thought, and eliminating certain words from your internal and external dialogue could make you a happier person.
Take the word “try,” for example.
When you say you’re going to “try” to do something, that’s the beginning of the end. As coach and Hollywood film producer Debbie Robins says, “The word ‘try’ is a magnet for your incomplete actions, lame excuses and failure to launch.” When you ask someone, “Are you going to be there?” and they say, “I’ll try,” you can pretty much guarantee that they’re not going to show up. Same for New Year’s resolutions: “I’ll try to quit smoking.” “I’ll try to lose weight.” “I’ll try” is usually not a strategy for success.
Take a challenge with me this week. Completely dump the word “try” from your vocabulary. Don’t “try;” really commit to it. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you catch yourself saying “try.” Instead of saying “I’ll try,” say “I will,” or “I won’t.” When you are clear with your commitments, you’ll avoid a lot of broken agreements (with yourself and other people).
As Yoda says, “Try not. Do or no not. There is no try.”
Related to the word “try” is the word “should.” Debbie Robins has a whole chapter on the word “should” in her book, Shovel It: Kick-Ass Advice to Turn Life’s Crap into the Peace and Happiness You Deserve. (Is that a great title or what?) She writes:
“The mindset of should will only make you feel awful. “Should” suggests there is a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, a “my way or the highway,” and that everybody understands the rules and agrees to play by them. But not everybody does. “Should” is a preamble for cruelly judging oneself (“I should be more on top of my life and not such a disorganized, distracted mess.”) “Should” is also a preamble for judging others. (“He should have done it my way and now everything is messed up”; “She should have listened to me rather than being so stubborn”). Unfortunately you can’t win the “should” game. It’s a never-ending loop of assigning blame that easily grows into hatred. And the only one getting hurt by your upset is you.
Robins goes on to say, “Often times “should” results from an expectation the world owes you justice. I wish. It doesn’t. You’ve got to figure out an alternative. You need to ditch the thinking of “should” and replace it with something better.”
Key Takeaway
Saying “I’ll try” or “I should do this” are just bad habits. Most people think habits are meant to be broken, but they can’t be broken. Habits can only be replaced (replaced with a behavior that serves you in a better way). Want to be happier? Eliminate phrases like, “I should do this,” or “People expect me to do this,” or “I feel obligated to do this.” Replace them with the following statements: “I want to do this”; “I’m committed to doing this”; “It is my intention to do this”; or “I give you my word that I will do this.” Really think about what you want to do and what you intend to do. If you need to, schedule blocks of time for yourself on your calendar. Take your commitments seriously.
Note: I am not advocating for you to stop being a good employee, family member, citizen, parishioner, etc. because you don’t want to do certain things. There are a lot of reasons we choose to do what we do. For example, you may decide to fill out a TPS report at work because it makes your boss happy. Saying “I feel obligated to fill out my TPS report” drains your energy and builds resentment. Saying “I choose to fill out my TPS report” gives you a greater sense of control, and when you are in a positive mindset, you are more likely to come up with creative solutions. For example, you could outsource your TPS report to a virtual assistant.
If you ever need to trick yourself to get motivated, pretend you are going to receive $1 million if you do what you say you are committed to doing. Say your problem is that you are always late to your meetings at work. If you were going to get $1 million for showing up to all your appointments on time for a whole year, I have a feeling you would not be late. You would find a way to get to every appointment on time. If your car broke down one morning, you would call a cab to take you to work. Your whole mindset would change.
Think of the various commitments you have been “trying” to meet lately. What would you do differently if you were guaranteed a $1 million reward? Even if it sounds silly, think about it. You might come up with a fun new way to motivate yourself. Let me know what you come up with.
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
In the event that you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and ask them to consider subscribing to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
Words have power. Imagine you’ve received an email titled: “Problem.” How do you react? “Oh no,” you might think. “What’s wrong?” The word alone can produce a negative, sinking feeling. Now imagine you receive an email with the word “Opportunity” in the subject line. “Oooh,” you might think. “What’s this? This could be good.” You’re curious. You’re open. There’s a reason Deepak Chopra says, “I do not experience challenges; I look for opportunities.”
Emotion follows thought, and eliminating certain words from your internal and external dialogue could make you a happier person.
Take the word “try,” for example.
When you say you’re going to “try” to do something, that’s the beginning of the end. As coach and Hollywood film producer Debbie Robins says, “The word ‘try’ is a magnet for your incomplete actions, lame excuses and failure to launch.” When you ask someone, “Are you going to be there?” and they say, “I’ll try,” you can pretty much guarantee that they’re not going to show up. Same for New Year’s resolutions: “I’ll try to quit smoking.” “I’ll try to lose weight.” “I’ll try” is usually not a strategy for success.
Take a challenge with me this week. Completely dump the word “try” from your vocabulary. Don’t “try;” really commit to it. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you catch yourself saying “try.” Instead of saying “I’ll try,” say “I will,” or “I won’t.” When you are clear with your commitments, you’ll avoid a lot of broken agreements (with yourself and other people).
As Yoda says, “Try not. Do or no not. There is no try.”
Related to the word “try” is the word “should.” Debbie Robins has a whole chapter on the word “should” in her book, Shovel It: Kick-Ass Advice to Turn Life’s Crap into the Peace and Happiness You Deserve. (Is that a great title or what?) She writes:
“The mindset of should will only make you feel awful. “Should” suggests there is a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, a “my way or the highway,” and that everybody understands the rules and agrees to play by them. But not everybody does. “Should” is a preamble for cruelly judging oneself (“I should be more on top of my life and not such a disorganized, distracted mess.”) “Should” is also a preamble for judging others. (“He should have done it my way and now everything is messed up”; “She should have listened to me rather than being so stubborn”). Unfortunately you can’t win the “should” game. It’s a never-ending loop of assigning blame that easily grows into hatred. And the only one getting hurt by your upset is you.
Robins goes on to say, “Often times “should” results from an expectation the world owes you justice. I wish. It doesn’t. You’ve got to figure out an alternative. You need to ditch the thinking of “should” and replace it with something better.”
Key Takeaway
Saying “I’ll try” or “I should do this” are just bad habits. Most people think habits are meant to be broken, but they can’t be broken. Habits can only be replaced (replaced with a behavior that serves you in a better way). Want to be happier? Eliminate phrases like, “I should do this,” or “People expect me to do this,” or “I feel obligated to do this.” Replace them with the following statements: “I want to do this”; “I’m committed to doing this”; “It is my intention to do this”; or “I give you my word that I will do this.” Really think about what you want to do and what you intend to do. If you need to, schedule blocks of time for yourself on your calendar. Take your commitments seriously.
Note: I am not advocating for you to stop being a good employee, family member, citizen, parishioner, etc. because you don’t want to do certain things. There are a lot of reasons we choose to do what we do. For example, you may decide to fill out a TPS report at work because it makes your boss happy. Saying “I feel obligated to fill out my TPS report” drains your energy and builds resentment. Saying “I choose to fill out my TPS report” gives you a greater sense of control, and when you are in a positive mindset, you are more likely to come up with creative solutions. For example, you could outsource your TPS report to a virtual assistant.
If you ever need to trick yourself to get motivated, pretend you are going to receive $1 million if you do what you say you are committed to doing. Say your problem is that you are always late to your meetings at work. If you were going to get $1 million for showing up to all your appointments on time for a whole year, I have a feeling you would not be late. You would find a way to get to every appointment on time. If your car broke down one morning, you would call a cab to take you to work. Your whole mindset would change.
Think of the various commitments you have been “trying” to meet lately. What would you do differently if you were guaranteed a $1 million reward? Even if it sounds silly, think about it. You might come up with a fun new way to motivate yourself. Let me know what you come up with.
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
In the event that you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and ask them to consider subscribing to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Tiger Woods and the Upper Limit Problem
The Coaching Chronicles is an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, inspire, and motivate you.
Isn’t amazing how quickly a person’s image can change in the eyes of the public? Over the holidays, I had a layover at DFW airport. In the hallways, there will still several ads from the consulting firm Accenture featuring Tiger Woods. Accenture backed out of their sponsorship agreement with Tiger on December 14, but as of December 29, they hadn’t taken down the ads yet. In light of the recent scandal, I could only laugh at how much the meaning of the taglines had changed. One ad showed Tiger looking for a lost golf ball amongst the rocks with a tagline that read, “It’s what you do next that counts.” Another showed Tiger in knee-high brush that said, “The road to high performance isn’t always paved.” Boy, isn’t that the truth.
The year 2009 was paved with scandals from several high profile celebrities, as detailed in this brilliant article by L.A. Times columnist Bill Plaschke, aptly titled “Sleaze has been the undisputed champion of the sports world for 2009.” But isn’t it curious just how many celebrities seem bent on self-destruction? I mean, aren’t celebrities the ones achieving their goals? Aren’t they the ones with all the money and fame they could want? Then why are they so miserable?
The answer, I feel, is that scandal-ridden celebrities are exhibiting a very universal human condition: The Upper Limit Problem. I first read about the Upper Limit Problem in Gay Hendricks’ book, The Big Leap. Below are a few excerpts from The Big Leap that I thought you would find interesting:
How the Upper Limit Problem Works
“Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.
Most people think they will finally feel good when they have more money, better relationships, and more creativity. But all of us can find and nurture the capacity for positive feelings now, rather than waiting until some longed-for event occurs.
If you focus for a moment, you can always find some place in you that feels good right now. Give that positive feeling your full attention. Let yourself enjoy it as long as you possibly can. As you get more skilled with this practice, you’ll discover that your positive feelings, your abundance, your love and creativity all begin to expand. Then, the outer aspects of your life change to match the expanding good feeling inside you.
Millions of people are stuck on the verge of reaching their goals can’t seem to scale the wall, and are struggling under a glass ceiling that is completely within their control, waiting to be removed. These people are not flawed or unlucky – they have an Upper Limit Problem and it can be transcended in the wink of an eye, in a leap of consciousness. An Upper Limit Problem is dissolved, not solved, by shining the light of awareness on it”.
In The Big Leap, Hendricks goes on to describe the various ways we upper limit ourselves: worrying, criticizing, blaming, deflecting, squabbling, getting sick, getting hurt, lying, breaking agreements and withholding truths. If you catch yourself doing any of these things, just be aware that it may be a form of self-sabotage; a way for you to limit your ability to be happy for longer and longer periods of time.
Key Takeaway:
“The Upper Limit Problem is the tendency to follow big leaps forward in your success with big mess-ups. The mess-ups rubber-band you back to where you were before, or sometimes some place worse. But if you see what you are doing in time, you can shift right out of the free fall and point yourself back toward the sky.”
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
In the event that you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and ask them to consider subscribing to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
Isn’t amazing how quickly a person’s image can change in the eyes of the public? Over the holidays, I had a layover at DFW airport. In the hallways, there will still several ads from the consulting firm Accenture featuring Tiger Woods. Accenture backed out of their sponsorship agreement with Tiger on December 14, but as of December 29, they hadn’t taken down the ads yet. In light of the recent scandal, I could only laugh at how much the meaning of the taglines had changed. One ad showed Tiger looking for a lost golf ball amongst the rocks with a tagline that read, “It’s what you do next that counts.” Another showed Tiger in knee-high brush that said, “The road to high performance isn’t always paved.” Boy, isn’t that the truth.
The year 2009 was paved with scandals from several high profile celebrities, as detailed in this brilliant article by L.A. Times columnist Bill Plaschke, aptly titled “Sleaze has been the undisputed champion of the sports world for 2009.” But isn’t it curious just how many celebrities seem bent on self-destruction? I mean, aren’t celebrities the ones achieving their goals? Aren’t they the ones with all the money and fame they could want? Then why are they so miserable?
The answer, I feel, is that scandal-ridden celebrities are exhibiting a very universal human condition: The Upper Limit Problem. I first read about the Upper Limit Problem in Gay Hendricks’ book, The Big Leap. Below are a few excerpts from The Big Leap that I thought you would find interesting:
How the Upper Limit Problem Works
“Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.
Most people think they will finally feel good when they have more money, better relationships, and more creativity. But all of us can find and nurture the capacity for positive feelings now, rather than waiting until some longed-for event occurs.
If you focus for a moment, you can always find some place in you that feels good right now. Give that positive feeling your full attention. Let yourself enjoy it as long as you possibly can. As you get more skilled with this practice, you’ll discover that your positive feelings, your abundance, your love and creativity all begin to expand. Then, the outer aspects of your life change to match the expanding good feeling inside you.
Millions of people are stuck on the verge of reaching their goals can’t seem to scale the wall, and are struggling under a glass ceiling that is completely within their control, waiting to be removed. These people are not flawed or unlucky – they have an Upper Limit Problem and it can be transcended in the wink of an eye, in a leap of consciousness. An Upper Limit Problem is dissolved, not solved, by shining the light of awareness on it”.
In The Big Leap, Hendricks goes on to describe the various ways we upper limit ourselves: worrying, criticizing, blaming, deflecting, squabbling, getting sick, getting hurt, lying, breaking agreements and withholding truths. If you catch yourself doing any of these things, just be aware that it may be a form of self-sabotage; a way for you to limit your ability to be happy for longer and longer periods of time.
Key Takeaway:
“The Upper Limit Problem is the tendency to follow big leaps forward in your success with big mess-ups. The mess-ups rubber-band you back to where you were before, or sometimes some place worse. But if you see what you are doing in time, you can shift right out of the free fall and point yourself back toward the sky.”
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
In the event that you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and ask them to consider subscribing to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Why Worrying Is a Waste of Time
Welcome to The Coaching Chronicles, an inspirational newsletter/blog designed to stir, inspire, and motivate you.
I've decided to call 2010 the "Year of No Fear." For me, 2009 was a year full of fear. As a result of the market collapse, there were layoffs at my investment firm and I spent the whole year worrying about what I would do if I lost my job. I worried about my friends who lost their jobs, and I worried about the lack of loving, committed relationships and responsible leadership in the world. These worry thoughts were not productive. In fact, these thoughts were often paralyzing. I was frozen, like a deer in headlights, afraid to take action for fear of making a mistake.
In the event that you or someone you know has been overwhelmed by fear recently, I have summarized some insights on overcoming fear below.
Now, you may be thinking, “Why is Lisa doing this?” So, please allow me a moment to explain. One of the ways I attempted to overcome my fear last year was to read a lot of books about leadership, positive thinking, lifestyle design and getting things done. After I finished each book, I found that I really enjoyed sharing the insights I gleaned from what I read with other people. I particularly enjoyed encouraging people to fulfill their life’s purpose. As Dr. Hendricks (author of The Big Leap) says, “On Judgment Day, God will not ask, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ He will ask ‘Why were you not [Say Your Name Here]?’ The goal in life is not to attain some imaginary ideal; it is to find and fully use our own gifts.”
One of the reasons I’m starting to post this content is that I have some insights to share that I think you may find helpful. This is my “gift.” As Steve Chandler (author of Mindshift) says, “I can only be scared when I’m focused on myself.” So, I will focus on you. I want to help you. I want to serve you. So I’m hereby committing to sending you helpful insights on a weekly basis (and if you find that is too much, please let me know). While my intention is to remain in the investment industry for the foreseeable future, as you will see, coaching is my passion and I will continue to document my journey in The Coaching Chronicles. And so, in the spirit of “no fear,” here is my first post. Let me know what you think!
The Coaching Chronicles: Why Worrying Is a Waste of Time
“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.” - William Inge
Today’s link is to a short article called “Why Worrying is a Waste of Time” by Gary Marcus, Professor of Psychology at New York University. He walks through the concept of worrying from a biological standpoint, and then gives several helpful tips on how to deal with worry.
Key Takeaway:
“The word worry comes from a Middle English word “wyrgan,” which means to strangle. And that's what worries often do; they seize us by the throat until we can't think about anything else. When worry takes on a life of its own, it becomes a huge and often pointless drain on our time and energy.”
A few more insights into worry from The Big Leap:
“Worry is not a sign we’re thinking about something useful; it’s typically something we have no control over. When confronted by a worry thought, ask yourself: “Is this a real possibility?” And “Is there any action I can take right now to make a positive difference?”
So be conscious of when you are worrying and recognize that you are wasting valuable energy. Give your brain something more useful to do, and tap its ability to develop creative solutions. You’ll be amazed by what you can come up with.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” - Leo Buscaglia
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
In the event that you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and ask them to consider subscribing to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
I've decided to call 2010 the "Year of No Fear." For me, 2009 was a year full of fear. As a result of the market collapse, there were layoffs at my investment firm and I spent the whole year worrying about what I would do if I lost my job. I worried about my friends who lost their jobs, and I worried about the lack of loving, committed relationships and responsible leadership in the world. These worry thoughts were not productive. In fact, these thoughts were often paralyzing. I was frozen, like a deer in headlights, afraid to take action for fear of making a mistake.
In the event that you or someone you know has been overwhelmed by fear recently, I have summarized some insights on overcoming fear below.
Now, you may be thinking, “Why is Lisa doing this?” So, please allow me a moment to explain. One of the ways I attempted to overcome my fear last year was to read a lot of books about leadership, positive thinking, lifestyle design and getting things done. After I finished each book, I found that I really enjoyed sharing the insights I gleaned from what I read with other people. I particularly enjoyed encouraging people to fulfill their life’s purpose. As Dr. Hendricks (author of The Big Leap) says, “On Judgment Day, God will not ask, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ He will ask ‘Why were you not [Say Your Name Here]?’ The goal in life is not to attain some imaginary ideal; it is to find and fully use our own gifts.”
One of the reasons I’m starting to post this content is that I have some insights to share that I think you may find helpful. This is my “gift.” As Steve Chandler (author of Mindshift) says, “I can only be scared when I’m focused on myself.” So, I will focus on you. I want to help you. I want to serve you. So I’m hereby committing to sending you helpful insights on a weekly basis (and if you find that is too much, please let me know). While my intention is to remain in the investment industry for the foreseeable future, as you will see, coaching is my passion and I will continue to document my journey in The Coaching Chronicles. And so, in the spirit of “no fear,” here is my first post. Let me know what you think!
The Coaching Chronicles: Why Worrying Is a Waste of Time
“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.” - William Inge
Today’s link is to a short article called “Why Worrying is a Waste of Time” by Gary Marcus, Professor of Psychology at New York University. He walks through the concept of worrying from a biological standpoint, and then gives several helpful tips on how to deal with worry.
Key Takeaway:
“The word worry comes from a Middle English word “wyrgan,” which means to strangle. And that's what worries often do; they seize us by the throat until we can't think about anything else. When worry takes on a life of its own, it becomes a huge and often pointless drain on our time and energy.”
A few more insights into worry from The Big Leap:
“Worry is not a sign we’re thinking about something useful; it’s typically something we have no control over. When confronted by a worry thought, ask yourself: “Is this a real possibility?” And “Is there any action I can take right now to make a positive difference?”
So be conscious of when you are worrying and recognize that you are wasting valuable energy. Give your brain something more useful to do, and tap its ability to develop creative solutions. You’ll be amazed by what you can come up with.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” - Leo Buscaglia
Comments? Questions? Need help? Contact me at coachlisa.bosley@gmail.com.
In the event that you know someone who would benefit from this information, please pass this along, and ask them to consider subscribing to The Coaching Chronicles by sending me an email.
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